After Years Making LOVE in the Dark, Wife Finds Out Husband was Using D!ldo Whole Time

“Yea I used a d!ldo it was a strap on I wore it under my jeans, but tell her to explain how she got pregnant? Cuz that kid damn sure ain’t mine”

Said a frustrated Andre Sanders after leaving his now pregnant wife.

Sarah Sanders is divorcing her husband of 7 years of marriage after finding out he was using a d!ldo during ‘love making’ the entire time. Mr. Sanders feels his wife was too overweight and after seeing that her hole was too open, he knew she wouldn’t be able feel anything.

“I knew something just wasn’t right I mean whenever he climaxed it would stay the same, as far as my pregnancy I think i had a right to step out on our marriage because obviously that plastic was not satisfying me I needed the real thing” — Sarah

They are both due in court next month to finalize the divorce as well as a paternity hearing to establish if it’s his child or not.

Andre claims he suffers from micro-p*nis and he knew his ‘baby noodle’ as he likes to call it would not satisfy his wife of 400 Pounds so he had to do what he had to do.